Before a star collapses, it swells up to several times its normal size, then in a massive explosion, it's reduced to a black hole, devoid of all matter and light. That's kind of how I felt yesterday.
For the last two weeks, I've been working. It was a great feeling; being back in the workforce made me feel alive again. It was through a temp agency, but I was told that the position had the opportunity to grow into a full-time position. Finally, after weeks of searching and countless resume submissions, I thought I'd found the right job.
The people were amazing. Though I'd only just started, everyone there treated me like I'd been there for years. All of them were pleasant and willing to help me out as I struggled through the training process. The work itself was even better; I was finally doing exactly what I liked - accounting. While some people find numbers and reports mind-numbing and tedious, I love them. It's what I'm good at. The last two weeks lifted my spirits more than they had been for a long time. But alas, it wasn't meant to be.
Late in the morning yesterday, I was approached by the accounting manager who informed me that, instead of hiring me, they were going to do an internal transfer. The individual they'd chosen, not surprisingly, had a degree. I won't lie; I was devastated. Here I was on cloud nine, feeling that everything was getting back to normal. But the cloud dissipated, and I fell back to earth - hard. I struggled to maintain my composure as she explained the situation to me, but the only thing going through my mind at that moment was "damn you". How could this have happened? I worked so hard the last two weeks, and learned every task they taught me. Even the woman who trained me told me again and again how well I was doing. Foolishly, I'd convinced myself that I had the job. To realize in that instant that it was all for naught was very upsetting.
The drive home last night was somber. I fought to keep my mind on the road as I weaved in and out through the incessant waves of traffic. I wondered what I'd done wrong. They saw everything of which I was capable, and still decided not to hire me. What was wrong with me? I hated to think that I wasn't good enough. I started having the self-doubts that I fought against so hard when I first lost my job. It's amazing how quickly a person regresses to their old habits when something bad happens. Kind of like trying to quit smoking...
My feelings then turned to anger. I was furious at this company for putting through so much. Two weeks I spent laboring at their facility, trying desperately to prove myself to them in the hopes that they'd want to hire me. Looking back, I could've spent those two weeks searching for a job that actually went somewhere. Before I took the position, there was another job opening in another town for which I was waiting for a call back from the temp agency. They'd already sent my resume. But when this opportunity came up, I jumped on it. I couldn't help but wonder what might have happened if I took that job instead. I guess I'll never know the answer to that question, because that job is no longer available.
Then there's the unemployment issue. After working for two weeks, my benefits are suspended. Going through the hassle of applying once was bad enough; now I have to do it again. And even worse, I have to wait the standard two-week period before I can get benefits again. On top of the mental and emotional blow of not getting the job, I now had financial concerns to worry about. Of course, I always worry about that, especially on such a small income afforded by unemployment, but now I have to plan ahead to survive through that period again.
I vented my frustrations on Facebook for a while, and even punched a couple walls in my apartment, leaving a bit of a dent in one of them. (Nice, there goes part of my security deposit.) I felt useless again, like I was once again a statistic and could make no contribution with my life. It may sound extreme, but those who've been through unemployment know what I mean. I have to work if I'm going to feel whole, whether it's for a company or for myself. The novelty of being home all day by myself has worn off fast. Some days I just leave the house and walk for hours, just so I don't have to sit there pondering about the uncertainty of my future. For a while last evening, I hated my life, and I hated myself. My brief shining moment had ended, and I was back at square one.
But after several hours of venting, cursing, and feeling hateful and rejected, something changed. I don't know if it was the pills I'm on, or the good advice of my friends on Facebook and texting me on my phone, but I realized that this is just another learning experience. It's a difficult one, to say the least, but sometimes necessary. I can't always have everything I want. No one goes through their entire life constantly winning. I have to lose once in a while, no matter how hard or painful it might be.
I also know that just because it was a good job for me, it doesn't mean it was the best job for me. Maybe God had to give me a little taste of what's out there, not so I could start working right away, but to renew my search and assure me that I'm on the right track. I do still like accounting, and after this two-week refresher, I'm even more certain of it, and I'm convinced to try even harder to find the right place for me - if it's even possible to try harder; I've been a resume-sending machine!
I'm not really sure if anything in life goes 100% as planned. Bumps and hiccups, setbacks and disappointments, failures and frustrations - they're all a part of life. But as I've been told by countless people, it's how we deal with those situations that makes us who we are. I'm still figuring that out as well, but I do know what I'm not - I'm not a quitter. I'm not going to be a victim of circumstance and believe that my life is decided by the events around me. If I want to be happy, only I can make it happen, and sitting on my backside lamenting over the disappointments in my life just won't get it done. I'm better than that. I'm stronger than that.
Ok, time to start applying for jobs again. Either that or write my next English paper. Nah, looking for a job is still more fun than that.
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Who's Really to Blame?
In the current economy, people seem unwilling to accept responsibility for their own actions. Almost no other issue proves this more than sub-prime mortgages and the resulting housing crash.
Political ads on television are repeatedly pointing the finger at candidates and their involvement in sub-prime mortgages. In truth, these individuals do have a responsibility to consumers which they neglected. They knew these loans were being given to unqualified persons. For that, they definitely played a key role in the fall of our economy. However, those who accepted these loans and bought these houses are also at fault, and no one seems willing to admit that.
While searching for an apartment three years ago, the options seemed endless. Beautiful three-bedroom, two-bath domiciles with the latest technology and appliances, new carpeting, stylish furnishings, patios and decks suitable for Trump-esque parties - there were so many to choose from. I was quickly drawn in by the lure of smooth-talking real estate agents and overzealous landlords who couldn't wait for me to sign their leases, and during the initial stages of my search, I was almost convinced that I could afford one of these apartment "mansions". But I had something that it seems many other so-called "victims" of the housing market don't have: common sense.
Maybe ten minutes. That's all it took for me to sit down and analyze my financial situation. How much did I make, how much were my regular expenses, and how much did the apartments cost? Simple, straightforward questions. It didn't take a genius to figure out that most of these residences were WAY out of my league. So, I did what I believe other people need to learn; I settled for what I could afford. I didn't need oakwood cabinets and marble counter tops. I didn't need three bedrooms when I lived by myself. Vaulted ceilings and designer amenities were well beyond my means. I needed a place to live, comfortably and affordably. And guess what? I found it. Even now that I'm unemployed, I'm still able to support myself, though I've cut back on a few luxuries to do so. And more importantly, I didn't let someone else talk me into a decision that wasn't in my best interest. So, back to my point.
Of all these people that want to blame politicians and bad business practices for their current situation, how many of them take the time to consider what mistakes they made? Did any of them sit down and ask themselves those questions I posed earlier? There are far too many home buyers who just can't afford the house they've chosen. Period. Why do people insist on living beyond their means? As human beings, we all want the finer things in life, but if they're simply out of our reach, we have to accept it as reality. Entering into an agreement you know is not in your best financial interest is foolish and idiotic.
Of course, according to the media, we can't expect these people to shoulder the blame for their own poor decisions. No, it's the banks, mortgage brokers, real estate agents, and government. Yes, as I mentioned, those people did have a part in this. Assuming they had a basic understanding of budgets and finances, they should've known that some of these individuals weren't able to afford the homes they were buying. In my opinion, disregarding that knowledge is immoral and unscrupulous. However, why is no one pointing the finger at the consumers? If they bought these homes knowing they were too expensive, are they really victims, as the media and politicians would have us believe? I tend to think not. They are just as guilty as the people who talked them into it, but there lies another issue.
Salespeople can be very tricky and convincing, but it is up to us as consumers to know what we can and can't afford, and act accordingly. If you allow someone to trick you into a deal that is detrimental to you, and it falls apart, it's just as much your own responsibility. But no one wants to say that. "It's not your fault; they tricked you." Well, you can only be fooled if you allow it to happen. While I haven't purchased a home, I have made wrong decisions under the advisement and smooth-talk of other people, and I've payed the consequences for it. But I'm not about to place all the blame on those people; I allowed myself to be duped. I don't expect compensation for someone else's misdeeds when I'm the fool who fell for their act, and I don't expect my friends, family, the government, or any other authoritative body to save me from my own stupidity.
Now, that being said, there are certainly people who've suffered unfortunate and unexpected occurrences in their lives: families that have lost the main bread-winner due to death or other tragedies, insanely high medical bills due to unforeseen illness, losing jobs. Those people may very well have been living within their means, and are now forced into foreclosures or evictions because their financial status changed so drastically. I can't fault all these people for something that is beyond their control. But these people, honestly, are the victims of life in general, not necessarily victims of the housing crisis; they may be in these positions even if the economy was doing well. Even in these unfortunate circumstances, however, I wonder what these people are doing to reassess and change their lives based on their new budgets.
When I lost my job a little over a month ago, my first decision was to start cutting back. No more expanded cable, no more long distance phone line, no more eating out every day, even something as simple as writing on both sides of a paper instead of just scratching a single line on one side and throwing out the paper later. I knew my situation had changed, and I had to change with it. I don't doubt that many of the victims I mentioned earlier have made some changes, but how much and how many? If you have a satellite cable bill that costs you $200 a month when you can get expanded basic cable for $50 a month, do you really have a reason to complain about not being able to pay your mortgage? If you take your family to dinner every night of the week - and let's face it, these days that adds up fast - should you be moaning about how much your rent is? Tragedy strikes all of us at some point in life, and adjusting to it afterward is difficult, but that's life, isn't it? Yes, it SUCKS sometimes, but blaming society or big business for your situation, and waiting for them to fix it, will get nowhere. I know it's not easy; I've been through it before, and am dealing with it now. But I've made the tough decisions and cutbacks that were necessary to survive. Those who have made those decisions and sacrifices and are still struggling have my sympathy. Those who insist on living "high on the hog", despite their inability to do so financially, have my contempt.
When we make a bad choice, it's human nature to not want to admit fault. We want to think that we're more intelligent than that, and that any bad things that happen are the result of someone else's actions. The sub-prime mortgage crisis (and the recent campaign ads) are a good example. But we also have to accept our responsibility to ourselves. We can't purchase homes and condos that we know are well out of our range. We can't allow ourselves to be tricked by unscrupulous salespeople. We can't have our financial situation change, and expect our standard of living won't change with it. Buying a home is perhaps the biggest investment decision a person or family can make. It can't be done overnight or without careful analysis of one's finances. The economy is bad, really bad. There are real victims of the economy out there. But I don't place all the blame on politics and business; I also blame the individuals who didn't use their common sense in the beginning, before any of this happened. They, too, had a part in making their lives what they are now, and they need to accept responsibility for it.
Political ads on television are repeatedly pointing the finger at candidates and their involvement in sub-prime mortgages. In truth, these individuals do have a responsibility to consumers which they neglected. They knew these loans were being given to unqualified persons. For that, they definitely played a key role in the fall of our economy. However, those who accepted these loans and bought these houses are also at fault, and no one seems willing to admit that.
While searching for an apartment three years ago, the options seemed endless. Beautiful three-bedroom, two-bath domiciles with the latest technology and appliances, new carpeting, stylish furnishings, patios and decks suitable for Trump-esque parties - there were so many to choose from. I was quickly drawn in by the lure of smooth-talking real estate agents and overzealous landlords who couldn't wait for me to sign their leases, and during the initial stages of my search, I was almost convinced that I could afford one of these apartment "mansions". But I had something that it seems many other so-called "victims" of the housing market don't have: common sense.
Maybe ten minutes. That's all it took for me to sit down and analyze my financial situation. How much did I make, how much were my regular expenses, and how much did the apartments cost? Simple, straightforward questions. It didn't take a genius to figure out that most of these residences were WAY out of my league. So, I did what I believe other people need to learn; I settled for what I could afford. I didn't need oakwood cabinets and marble counter tops. I didn't need three bedrooms when I lived by myself. Vaulted ceilings and designer amenities were well beyond my means. I needed a place to live, comfortably and affordably. And guess what? I found it. Even now that I'm unemployed, I'm still able to support myself, though I've cut back on a few luxuries to do so. And more importantly, I didn't let someone else talk me into a decision that wasn't in my best interest. So, back to my point.
Of all these people that want to blame politicians and bad business practices for their current situation, how many of them take the time to consider what mistakes they made? Did any of them sit down and ask themselves those questions I posed earlier? There are far too many home buyers who just can't afford the house they've chosen. Period. Why do people insist on living beyond their means? As human beings, we all want the finer things in life, but if they're simply out of our reach, we have to accept it as reality. Entering into an agreement you know is not in your best financial interest is foolish and idiotic.
Of course, according to the media, we can't expect these people to shoulder the blame for their own poor decisions. No, it's the banks, mortgage brokers, real estate agents, and government. Yes, as I mentioned, those people did have a part in this. Assuming they had a basic understanding of budgets and finances, they should've known that some of these individuals weren't able to afford the homes they were buying. In my opinion, disregarding that knowledge is immoral and unscrupulous. However, why is no one pointing the finger at the consumers? If they bought these homes knowing they were too expensive, are they really victims, as the media and politicians would have us believe? I tend to think not. They are just as guilty as the people who talked them into it, but there lies another issue.
Salespeople can be very tricky and convincing, but it is up to us as consumers to know what we can and can't afford, and act accordingly. If you allow someone to trick you into a deal that is detrimental to you, and it falls apart, it's just as much your own responsibility. But no one wants to say that. "It's not your fault; they tricked you." Well, you can only be fooled if you allow it to happen. While I haven't purchased a home, I have made wrong decisions under the advisement and smooth-talk of other people, and I've payed the consequences for it. But I'm not about to place all the blame on those people; I allowed myself to be duped. I don't expect compensation for someone else's misdeeds when I'm the fool who fell for their act, and I don't expect my friends, family, the government, or any other authoritative body to save me from my own stupidity.
Now, that being said, there are certainly people who've suffered unfortunate and unexpected occurrences in their lives: families that have lost the main bread-winner due to death or other tragedies, insanely high medical bills due to unforeseen illness, losing jobs. Those people may very well have been living within their means, and are now forced into foreclosures or evictions because their financial status changed so drastically. I can't fault all these people for something that is beyond their control. But these people, honestly, are the victims of life in general, not necessarily victims of the housing crisis; they may be in these positions even if the economy was doing well. Even in these unfortunate circumstances, however, I wonder what these people are doing to reassess and change their lives based on their new budgets.
When I lost my job a little over a month ago, my first decision was to start cutting back. No more expanded cable, no more long distance phone line, no more eating out every day, even something as simple as writing on both sides of a paper instead of just scratching a single line on one side and throwing out the paper later. I knew my situation had changed, and I had to change with it. I don't doubt that many of the victims I mentioned earlier have made some changes, but how much and how many? If you have a satellite cable bill that costs you $200 a month when you can get expanded basic cable for $50 a month, do you really have a reason to complain about not being able to pay your mortgage? If you take your family to dinner every night of the week - and let's face it, these days that adds up fast - should you be moaning about how much your rent is? Tragedy strikes all of us at some point in life, and adjusting to it afterward is difficult, but that's life, isn't it? Yes, it SUCKS sometimes, but blaming society or big business for your situation, and waiting for them to fix it, will get nowhere. I know it's not easy; I've been through it before, and am dealing with it now. But I've made the tough decisions and cutbacks that were necessary to survive. Those who have made those decisions and sacrifices and are still struggling have my sympathy. Those who insist on living "high on the hog", despite their inability to do so financially, have my contempt.
When we make a bad choice, it's human nature to not want to admit fault. We want to think that we're more intelligent than that, and that any bad things that happen are the result of someone else's actions. The sub-prime mortgage crisis (and the recent campaign ads) are a good example. But we also have to accept our responsibility to ourselves. We can't purchase homes and condos that we know are well out of our range. We can't allow ourselves to be tricked by unscrupulous salespeople. We can't have our financial situation change, and expect our standard of living won't change with it. Buying a home is perhaps the biggest investment decision a person or family can make. It can't be done overnight or without careful analysis of one's finances. The economy is bad, really bad. There are real victims of the economy out there. But I don't place all the blame on politics and business; I also blame the individuals who didn't use their common sense in the beginning, before any of this happened. They, too, had a part in making their lives what they are now, and they need to accept responsibility for it.
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